Do We Underestimate Small Talk?

That chat about onions or the stock market you're dodging? You might be selling it short. Newswise reports that new research in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology finds people consistently underestimate how enjoyable "boring" conversations will be, and they may be avoiding easy opportunities for connection because of it. What sounds dull in your head often plays out very differently once you're actually talking. "We tend to assume that if a topic sounds dull, the conversation will be dull too," says lead author Elizabeth Trinh. "But that's not what people actually experience."

In a series of nine experiments with 1,800 people, University of Michigan researchers found that participants routinely lowballed how much they'd enjoy conversations on topics they themselves labeled dull—think World War I, nonfiction books, cats, or even Pokemon. After actually talking with friends or strangers in person or online, they consistently reported liking the exchanges far more than they had anticipated, even when both people agreed the subject was boring. The effect held across different settings and topics, surprising even the researchers themselves. "We were both surprised and excited by how robust the effect was," says Trinh.

That miscalculation may have real consequences. Social connection is tied to better mental and physical health, and avoiding small talk could mean missing easy chances to build it. Separate research highlighted by Psychology Today found that even brief, structured small talk during videoconference breaks made people more likely to enjoy conversations and continue them later, reinforcing the idea that low-stakes chats can spark real connection. The reason, Trinh says, is that people focus too much on the topic beforehand, instead of the interaction that follows. "What really drives enjoyment is engagement," she says. "Feeling heard, responding to each other, and discovering unexpected details about someone's life can make even a mundane topic meaningful."